Instant Quips

One of the many faults that I have is that I have a poor sense of humour and not many people laugh at my jokes or ironical statements. Maybe its my style or my jokes - but I definitely lack the X factor. So this blog is a collection of all quips, jokes, one-liners, life-changers etc that people fwd to me from now on. I am hoping that at least I wont be at a loss of material in parties that I go to.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Golden Rules for Career Success

WORKING as a business consultant all over the world, I have discovered some basic career-related rules that everyone should know-but many don't.

1.. Business is made up of ambiguous victories and
2.. nebulous defeats. Claim them all as victories.
3.. Keep track of what you do; someone is sure to ask.
4.. Be comfortable around senior managers, or learn to fake it.
5.. Never bring your boss a problem without some solution.
6.. You are getting paid to think, not to whine.
7.. Long hours don't mean anything; results count, not effort.
8.. Write down ideas; they get lost, like good pens.
9.. Always arrive at work 30 minutes before your boss.
10.. Help other people network for jobs. You never know when your turn will come.
11.. Don't take days off sick-unless you are.
12.. Assume no one can/will keep a secret.
13.. Know when you do your best-morning, night, under pressure, relaxed; schedule and prioritize your work accordingly.
14.. Treat everyone who works in the organization with respect and dignity, whether it be the cleaner or the managing director. Don't ever be patronizing.
15.. Never appear stressed in front of a client, a customer or your boss. Take a deep breath and ask yourself: In the course of human events, how important is this?
16.. If you get the entrepreneurial urge, visit someone who has his own business. It may cure you.
17.. Acknowledging someone else's contribution will repay you doubly.
18.. Career planning is an oxymoron. The most exciting opportunities tend to be unplanned.
19.. Always choose to do what you'll remember ten years from now.
20.. The size of your office is not as important as the size of your pay cheque.
21.. Understand what finished work looks like and deliver your work only when it is finished.
22.. The person who spends all of his or her time is not hard-working; he or she is boring.
23.. Know how to write business letters-including thank-you notes as well as proposals.
24.. Never confuse a memo with reality. Most memos from the top are political fantasy.
25.. Eliminate guilt. Don't fiddle expenses, taxes or benefits, and don't cheat colleagues.
26.. Reorganizations mean that someone will lose his or her job. Get on the committee that will make therecommendations.
27.. Job security does not exist.
28.. Always have an answer to the question, "What would I do if I lost my job tomorrow?"
29.. Go to the company Christmas party.
30.. Don't get drunk at the company Christmas party.
31.. Avoid working at weekends. Work longer during the week if you have to.
32.. The most successful people in business are interesting.
33.. Sometimes you'll be on a winning streak and everything will click; take maximum advantage. When the opposite is true, hold steady and wait it out.
34.. Never in your life say, "It's not my job."
35.. Be loyal to your career, your interests and yourself.
36.. Understand the skills and abilities that set you apart. Use them whenever you have an opportunity.
37.. People remember the end of the project. As they say in boxing, "Always finish stronger than you start."















1. Audit Your Company Cultures
"Companies don't have one culture. They have as many as they have supervisors or managers. You want to build a strong culture? Hold every manager accountable for the culture that he or she builds."
--Marcus Buckingham , coauthor of First, Break All the Rules and Now, Discover Your Strengths

2. Informed People Don't Fear Change
"People are not afraid of change. They fear the unknown."
--Dick Brown , chairman and CEO of EDS

3. Beware "Aspirational Accounting"
"Enron has changed things significantly. You used to be able to buy a company, account for it in bizarre ways, and make money on the sale. That world is over."
--Nolan Bushnell , founder, chairman, and CEO of uWink Inc.

4. Empower Your People -- Turn Them Loose
"Freedom is the greatest when the ground rules are clear. Chalk out the playing field and say, Within those lines, make any decisions you need."
--Dick Brown , chairman and CEO of EDS

5. Prevent Erosion of Human Assets
"We are systematically depreciating our human capital. For most people, the first year with the company is the best. It's downhill from there."
--Marcus Buckingham , coauthor of First, Break All the Rules and Now, Discover Your Strengths

6. Be Generous With What You Know
"Knowledge sharing is the basis of everything. Share knowledge with reckless abandon."
--Tim Sanders , chief solutions officer at Yahoo

7. Expand Your Roster
"Think of your team as not just the people you pay, but as the people who pay you as well."
--Feargal Quinn , executive chairman of Superquinn

8. Don't Judge a Man by the Size of His Wallet
"The only thing wrong with poor people is that they don't have any money. That's a curable condition."
--Bill Strickland , president and CEO of the Manchester Craftsmen's Guild and the Bidwell Training Center

9. Harness Your Skills for Good
"Technology has enormous potential to facilitate public-health problem solving. Marcus Welby needs you guys."
--Dr. Irwin Redlener , president and cofounder of the Children's Health Fund and president of the Children's Hospital at Montefiore

10. Groom Your People for Success
"Weakness fixing might prevent failure, but strength building leads to excellence. Focus on strength, and manage around weaknesses."
--Marcus Buckingham , coauthor of First, Break All the Rules and Now, Discover Your Strengths

11. Promote Brand Awareness Throughout Your Enterprise
"Everybody throughout the enterprise should know what the brand can and cannot do. There's an imperative for education."
--Jim Goodwin, vice president of marketing at the Absolut Spirits Co.

12. Embrace Imperfection -- Fast!
"Beware of perfect people. They will never propel your enterprise to greatness. They're too cautious. You've got to be fast to be good."
--Dick Brown , chairman and CEO of EDS

13. Don't Let the Venture Capitalists Get You Down
"Revolutionary change is where real value is created. Don't assume the capital markets know what the hell they're doing. The VC market is currently in more disarray than most companies."
--Nolan Bushnell , founder, chairman, and CEO of uWink Inc.

14. Allow Yourself to Dream
"Dreams are maps. The ability to think about the future is what drives us all to attain."
--Dr. Irwin Redlener , president and cofounder of the Children's Health Fund and president of the Children's Hospital at Montefiore

15. Increase Your Net Worth
"Networking is sharing your contacts with others to create value without the expectation of compensation. Your network is your net worth."
--Tim Sanders , chief solutions officer at Yahoo

16. Use Every Teachable Moment
"Every time you give somebody compensation, it's a great time to give feedback."
--Dick Brown , chairman and CEO of EDS

17. Shine Some Hope
"If you want to work with people who have no hope, you have to look like the solution and not the problem."
--Bill Strickland , president and CEO of the Manchester Craftsmen's Guild and the Bidwell Training Center

18. Set a New Standard of Performance
"We need to get beyond the single bottom line and measure a company's performance by a triple bottom line. Financial profits alone aren't enough. The results also need to be good for people and for the environment."
--Scott Bedbury , CEO of Brandstream

19. Laugh at Yourself
"Just when you think the sun shines out of your butt, all you have is an illuminated landing area."
--Nolan Bushnell , founder, chairman, and CEO of uWink Inc.

20. Get Up, Stand Up
"YCDBSOYA: You can't do business sitting on your armchair."
--Feargal Quinn , executive chairman of Superquinn

21. Stop Whining -- Start Seeking
"In these times, it's important to find the opportunities in the disruptions rather than just to lament the change."
--Rob Glaser , chairman and CEO of RealNetworks Inc.

22. Leaders: Move It or Lose It
"Managers consistently delude themselves about how much good they're doing. The oath for managers should be the same as physicians: First do no harm. "
--Robert Sutton , professor of management science and engineering at Stanford University

23. Be Honest
"The same thing you want from management is what customers want from you: honest communication. Be honest with your customers; tell them everything you know."
--Bonnie Reitz , vice president of sales and distribution at Continental Airlines

24. Don't Stretch This Rule
"When you start thinking about growing your brand, be sure not to ignore the Spandex rule: Just because you can, doesn't mean you should."
--Scott Bedbury , CEO of Brandstream

25. What's Your Bottom Line?
"People over 65 were asked, 'If you could live your life over, what would you do differently?' They said three things: 'I'd take time to stop and ask the big questions. I'd be more courageous and take more risks in work and love. I'd try to live with purpose -- to make a difference.' You don't have to be an elder to ask, What's my own bottom line?"
--Richard Leider , founding partner of the Inventure Group

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