Che Guevera visits Bombay

This is what happened when Che Guevera visited Bombay.

He was first greeted by a Gujarati officer at the immigration counter. The Gujarati, for some reason, thought aapro Ernsto looked Gujju. So he started off -

GO: Jai Sri Krishna
CG: (silent)
GO: What your name? naam su che?
CG: Che
GO: Su che?
CG: Che
GO: Are baba naam su che???? What is name?
CG: Che Guevara?
GO: Che Guevara? Naam Guevara Che?
CG: No No, first Che
GO: Line maa first hi che (The officer assures Che he is first in line). Naam su che?
CG: Che

Gujarati officer gets a bit weary of this all, and notices he is due for a coffee break. He gestures to the next window and CG goes there. This is a Maharashtrian officer who thinks Guevara looks very Marathi. Meanwhile a co-traveller tells Che that "che" in Gujarati is a form of the verb "to be". So he should say "che" twice when he tells his name.

MO: Haan, naav saanga. Name?
CG: Che che
MO: Che che? Aaho naav saanga na.
CG: Che che
MO: Arre? Mee kaay chaha vichaartoy ka tumhala? che che mhantaay te? naav saanga.
CG: Che che.... Guevara
MO: aaho vara kuthla? ani kasli guha? naav sangta ki nahi? Tell name.
CG: Che che

The Marathi officer feels a slight throbbing in his head. He decides to take an early break and directs him to another officer. This one is from Delhi and speaks only Hindi. Needless to say, he thinks Guevara too is from the land where Hindi is spoken. By now Guevara has realised that saying his name twice caused more problems than saying it once. He decides to say it with a bit of affection to ensure cooperation.

HO: Haanji, kaun ho aap?
CG: (affectionately) Che
HO: Che? Aap to akele ho. Baaki kahan hai?
CG: (getting more affectionate) Che
HO: Arre baaprey! Woh waala che? Beech ka?
CG: (deciding that saying his name twice again might help) Che che
HO: (feeling distinctly homophobic) Dugna Che? Baaprey!

He too decides to take a premature coffee break, and now the immigration counter is without any officers. Che Guevara decides that a country where people can't go beyond his name, is probably not one where he can run his revolution-type-business. He does an about turn, and goes back to Cuba.

Label Instructions

These are true - I have seen some of them myself


On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On a bag of Doritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

And my personal Favourite :
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)